How do you deal with the past? More exactly, how do you deal with your ex boyfriends/girlfriends? If it ended nicely, you still keep in touch? If the end was messy, you don't talk anymore? Do you like to still keep in touch with past relationships?
To tell you the truth, I don't like it. Even if it ended in a nice way, if it ended... this is it! There was no point for us to carry on next to each other, we reached the conclusion that we are not suited for each other, so... why still keep in touch? I never see the reason for that. I have seen couples that although they are going strong, at leats one of them still keeps in touch with an "ex" and they are still good friends. For me, this is just a bad way to make your girlfriend/boyfriend gelous. Even if that was not your intention and even if your partner doesn't say it, he/she is gealous and weird.
Buddhists say that you should keep in touch with your past loves and keep a nice pleasant friendly relationship, cause otherwise, you hold the negative feeling of the past with you and you end up doing the same mistakes all over again. It is a nice way of looking at the situation, but I still don't see the point in holding on to the past. When I end a relationship, I learn and I know from taht point what I did wrong and what I did right and I will never make the same mistakes again. But maybe this is just me or just how women act generally. Cause, for example, most of the times, women do learn something from a realtionship and they become wiser and stronger, but men, don't look at the end, like it is spposed to teach them something. If a man was cheated by his girlfriend and they split up, what will he be thinking? - "She is a ...She hurt me, she didn't care about my feelings, she doesn't desearve me, she, she, she..." But how many of the men actually think: "I must have done something, I must have neglected her, maybe I didn't listen or paid attention enough... I didn't even notice that she was missing things". So, yes, that is why I think women learn a few things at the end of a relationship. And if this is the end, if you know very well why it ended, why would you still want to be around... your past?
I would only remember the mistakes I have done, I would just remember the mistakes he has done, I would just remember he was missing this and that..., that he wasn't right for me... bla bla. I would just "drag" him after me, like a "lesson well taught" that I say "hi" to from time to time. So, why do that? Why carry this "luggage" with you? I just take the nice memories, the lesson I learnt and this is it! I am a better person, a stronger and wiser one and I am more prepared for the love to come.
You like keeping in touch with your ex? If you do, why is that good? I am very curious to find out.
Hi Gabi!
ReplyDeleteWell I dont agree with you! :)
Having a good or at least correct relationship with ex-b/gfriends isnt bad from my point of view. I dont think we should be constraint to think wether it is good or bad to have or not to have some connection with an expartner. It happens or it doesnt, and one thing is not better than the other.
I agree with buddhism that holding grudges or bad memories will follow you allt he time, and in fact, people who do hold bad feelings keep more linked to ppl from the past than those who dont. People who can still have in good memory and have a good or regular relationship with expartners are probably freer than the ones that dont. Obviously, it is not quantifyable how good or bad a relationship with an ex is. WE are people not things.
I go on very well with my ex's. Not becasue I make the effort for it, but just becasue it happens. If we had a relatiionship it means that there was affinity, and good moments. So why would i cut any link to them? Sounds rather plastic to me. :)
Also, I think we women do not always learn about past relationships, in fact love, makes us make the same mistakes again and again. We learn maybe some more practical things, but other stuff is not erntirely controllable i think!
Anyways, I miss your entries!
I hope you will come back soon and write again!
kisses